Everything I Need To Know In Life, I've Learned From Cartoons


Many people just view cartoons as mindless entertainment but nothing could be further from the truth. Cartoons can teach you valuable lessons if you watch them carefully. I have compiled a list of things that cartoons have taught me in my life. The list is forever growing and I hope you enjoy.

New as of July 24, 2003:

- Running in place results in a much faster take-off when trying to run away. (Submitted by Jeanne-Marie Lyga)

- A tree grows in Brooklyn.

New as of July 9, 2001:

- Worms live in apples.

- Boy scouts help little old ladies acrosss the street.

New as of December 5, 2000:

- If you are so sure that something is true that you hope lightning strikes you if it isn't, you will be (and if that isn't true, I hope I'm run over by a streetcar)

- Don't ever forget the gravy.

- If you point a gun through a hole and annother gun appears out of a hole behind you, do not pull the trigger.

- Bowling is very similar to ballet dancinng.

New as of August 5, 2000:

- When clothes get wet, they shrink very quickly.

New as of August 18, 1999:

- St Bernard dogs rescue people in the mountains and carry barrels of liquor.

New as of July 15, 1999:

- If something is sitting on top of your head, do not use something heavy (like a club) to try to knock it off.

New as of July 18, 1998:

- No harm is done to you if you are sawed in half, except that your bottom half may walk away from your top half

- Elephants are scared of mice.

- Building a bridge by nailing boards togeether out from a ledge never works.

- Termites can eat wood extremely quick. - When people are starving, anything (or aanyone) they see appears to be food.

- When ostriches are scared they stick theeir heads in the ground.

- That symphony with the impossible to plaay ending is Hungarian Rhapsody #2.

- Rabbits multiply.

- A rabbit can stop himself from falling bby drinking hair tonic.

- Ants can carry objects many times their own size.

New as of April 6, 1998:

- Dogs chase cats.

- Cats chase mice.

- Cats chase birds.

- Birds chase worms.

- Eat At Joe's.

- Kilroy wwas here.

- When someone gets seasick, their face turns green.

- You can't sing without a string!

- Big dumb guys call all little guys Georgge.

- Little firecrackers make a BIG bang.

- Pianos act like typewriters (you have too reset the keys after playing a few notes.)

New as of February 14, 1998:

- Always read the fine print.

- No deficit is too large in sports.

- Methuzalah is a very old guy.

- You never fall until you look down.

- Alum makes your mouth shrink.

- Nitro-glycirene is a powerful explosive..

- Nitro-glycirene can easily be found arouund the house.

- All animals can talk.

- Size does not always correspond to strenngth.

- Coyotes have a very high constitution. - Magnets attract every kind of metal fromm any distance.

- The huntee is always smarter than the huunter.

- The barrels of guns are made of metal thhat can easily be bent to point in another direction.

- If you wear the right clothes, you will get all of the chicks.

- Mice eat almost nothing but cheese.

- Limburger is a horrible smelling cheese (worse than tear gas).

- Many animals have speech impediments.

> - There is a lot of smog in L.A.

- There are big trees in California.

- If someone makes a witty remark after a problem is resolved, everyone in the room must laugh.

- The secret identity of a superhero is allways the most unlikely person.

- A sidekick who always does most of the wwork never gets any of the credit.

- Spinach makes you incredibly strong.

- The tops of spinach cans can be easily rripped off.

- Vision problems do not disqualify you frrom being in the navy.

- If you wear glasses, it means that you aare smart.

- Road runners sound just like car horns.<

- George Washington is buried in Grant's TTomb.

- Kids are smarter than adults.

- Receiving a pinkslip means that You Will Be Fired!

- You can be dealt a 21 card in blackjack.

- All southern people have accents.

- You can go down the corporate ladder jusst as quickly as you can go up.

- All bosses are mean and yell often.

- The most hated relative is the mother-inn-law.

- The best quarterback in the world is a mmoose.

- No matter how narrow they are, you can ssuck anything through a straw.

- A poo-bah (or pooh-bah) is a head of meaaningless things.

- People in the Foreign Legion are always stationed in the desert.

- Anvils are large metal objects whose solle purpose are to be dropped on someone's head.

- An identical twin causes nothing but troouble.

- Express mail is delivered in a matter off seconds.

- 19th century horse-drawn carriages are iinflatable.

- Gold was discovered in California.

- If you expect it to be sunny in Californnia, it always rains.

- Roosters crow at dawn.

- Air brakes can stop a falling object.

> - Different objects falling at the same tiime can fall at different speeds.

- 4F rating means that you fail physicallyy.

- Chickens can lay many eggs at a time.

> - Looking both ways before you cross the sstreet only guarantees that you will be run over.

- Dog whistles are silent.

- Cat's claws can stick a cat to the ceiliing.

- Cats cannot tell the difference between mice and kangaroos.

- Tazmanian devils will eat anything.

- Music soothes the savage beast.

- On any long trip, you will always pass tthrough Albuquerque.

- There is a lot of oil in Texas.

- The dodo bird is not extinct.

- The gooney bird flies gracefully but alwways crash lands.

- Yankees are people from the north.

- We are not alone in the universe.

- Aliens are never friendly.

- The bill of a duck can easily be re-arraanged on its head.

- Frank Sinatra was extremely thin.

- All women adored Frank Sinatra.

- Jimmy Durante had a big nose.

- Bing Crosby's horses always finished lasst.

- Any animal that is eaten is swallowed whhole.

- Most people's first and last names beginn with the same letter.

- If you dig deep enough, you'll eventuallly end up in China.

- Cats have nine lives.

- The bigger they are, the dumber they aree.

- All locomotives have one big headlight.<

- ACME products are extremely cheap comparred to the price of food.

- Anyone can fly, as long as they don't knnow that they can't.

- Gravity only affects those who know the law of gravity.

- Skunks smell.

- Bears hibernate in the winter.

- A high diver can dive into anything safeely.

- Something fired at a target will always hit that target even it the target is moved.

- Bullets have a mind of their own.

- Holes can be picked up off the ground. - Seeing an attractive person of the oppossite sex will always make a person go bonkers.

- Water will rust metal.

- Water will shrink clothes.

- Storks deliver babies.

- Bulls charge at anything red.

- There is a pot of gold at the end of thee rainbow.

- The same woman is the telephone operatorr everywhere.

- If you hold your breath long enough, youu will turn blue and then many other colors (including plaid).

- Two vertical lines crossing over two horrizontal lines always results in a tic-tac-toe game.

- Characters in TVs can see you.

- Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah means I love you.

- Sneaking behind your wife's back just reesults in you being caught.

- Pipes can be used as blowtorches.

- The swallows come back to Capistrano.

> - Doors can be taken off the wall and clossed up into a tiny box.

- Magicians pull rabbits out of hats.

- All conductors have white hair.

- All crazy people think that they are Nappoleon.

- Hypnotism can make you do things that yoou are normally unable to do.

- Little elves make shoes.

- Mexicans wear sombreros.

- Eating hot food burns holes in you and mmakes your face turn red.

- If your body is punctured and then you ddrink water, it will spray out of your body.

- The white mouse WILL explode.

And Finally ...

- If Woody had gone right to the police, tthis would never have happened.

Also feel free to visit my other pages:

About Me

Irrelevant World - A Comic By Me

YouTube Video - Pope Kisses My Daughter

YouTube Video - Mets Wedding

If you have any suggestions, or if cartoons have taught you something that I have not mentioned, E-mail me. If I deem it worthy enough, I will include it in a special readers section to be added later. Let me know if you want your name included or if you wish to remain anonymous. E-mail me at NYCPoobah@aol.com.

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